Forty feet

 Forty Feet

 

The next morning looking out the window at the dump across the street. The night before, a friend who didn’t turn up, talking to a girl with kind eyes exhausted from working endless nights.  Walking down the road towards the city another friend with her boyfriend said hello. Finally bored, back to his room. Checking the phone for calls, a “sorry didn’t make it can you come around please” text. Heaps of empty Cody cans on her kitchen bench. Tight lipped on the couch. Jumpy. Distracted. On the couch until morning she looked better so he drove home. Towards lunchtime she rang and asked for money. Transferred a hundy over the net not asking what it was for. Later in the day, brighter, more smiling walking downtown it was peaceful. The sound of an idling exhaust, close. She seemed to know them. It’s just my ex dickhead and his friend retarded. He’s been chasing me lately, must be bored. What a sad fuck. Walking on together holding hands her palm was sweaty. They took the green path beside the river ending up at the harbour where the boats moored. As they stood on the wharf she embraced him. A little shaky, quite thin, warmth pressed lightly against his chest,  something wrong but no way to tell him. Burnt before. This time keeping herself to herself. Then out of the blue she blurted it out. Photos of me, sell for him or he will post them. As she talked his face was burning. He felt like killing them for what they did to her. No, it won’t alter what’s happened and you will just end up in prison. He didn’t really care about that. They are going to pay. Well hold on it happened to me not you. I need time to think about what to do. I don’t really want you rampaging around. I told you because I trust you that’s all. I trust you to know what happened. He didn’t have the will to push. She did not really want to and he did not do it. It was optional. He really wanted to get in touch with her. but knew when someone really does not want to, only an imbecile could go there. Even though he desperately wanted to connect he knew it’s not well. They left and walked back to his place. He drove her home. She was very quiet when he dropped her off. Without thinking he drove straight away to her ex’s place out west. He could see his pick-up in the driveway. He drove further up the road and parked by a block of shops. He walked quickly through the bush until he had a good view of the back of the house. He could immediately see the ex. He was tied to a chair in the kitchen. His mouth was taped up. He could see he was bleeding heavily. His singlet was soaked in blood. There were four guys standing around him. The guys untied him and he was dragged outside. They were only forty feet from him and he had a clear view from the edge of the clearing. All four then started bashing him. Then the bigger of the four stabbed him in the chest four or five times while the others held him down. He just lay on the grass. He seemed unconscious. A dark stream of blood soaked the ground. He knew it was no use going to him. It was all over. And even if he wanted to him couldn’t while the killers were there. He caught sight of one of them looking in his direction so he slipped away through the trees. He wasn’t sure if he had seen him so he quickly jumped in his car and gunned it. In the rear view he could see one of them running on the road after him but at the first turn he was gone. He didn’t want to go to his place so he drove to see her. She was home. He told her that she wouldn’t be having any more ex problems. What do you mean. I told you to leave it. What have you done. I haven’t done anything at all. Let’s just say I happen to know someone else took care of it. It’s over. Finito. Kaput. You are an idiot. He will come after you. No that’s not going to happen. And neither will his friend. They won’t be fucking with anyone anymore. They fucked with the wrong people. He couldn’t tell her what he had seen but had the feeling she knew what he meant. She didn’t really argue. You better stay here with me for a while. Let things settle down. She went into her bedroom. He sat at the table and could hear her on the phone. After a while she came out. They rang me after you left. They said they had him. It was the last straw. I knew I should never have told anyone about what he was doing. I am supposed to go down to the club tonight. What am I supposed to do? I look like a wreck. I don’t know exactly what they did but I know it’s bad. Those people only deal with things one way. Look it’s not your fault. I’m sure there were other things that counted against him as well. You shouldn’t blame yourself. Some people just push things too hard. Look I have to go to work now it’s probably best you don’t come along it’s not a good idea for anyone to know about you and me well here not really much to know well you know what I mean it’s better for you that you aren’t around me those guys have no idea we even know each other and that’s the way I want to keep it for both of our sakes. He took the hint and drove home parking his car around the corner just to be on the safe side. He walked to his flat. He thought he would have a quite night and just keep his head down. He felt a little nervous about the fact that she knew those people. He could still picture the look on the face of the guy who chased him up the road. He was definitely not happy. He had some dinner and then decided to go down town and see some old friends who lived in an apartment by the railway station. He drove his car through the outer suburbs. He was just starting through the tunnel when he the next off ramp. Sure, enough as he took the left ramp the car behind him indicated to exit as well. He tried to think it was a coincidence. The car was a left- hand drive, He noticed at the lights that the driver was young and kept moving his head to the side so as not to be seen. He was feeling particularly paranoid that day. He came to a halt behind a driver trying to get his van off the street. The car behind went into the other lane overtaking him and speeding down to the next intersection. He could smell the fumes from the vee eight engine. He felt a sense of relief perhaps he was just suffering from paranoia. Give yourself a break he said to himself it would not be surprising if you were. He murmured agreement to himself. He arrived outside his friend’s apartment. He could see there were no lights on. Perhaps he was out. He went to knock on the door but could get no response. Coming out of the entrance he noticed that same car parked down the road with it’s lights on. Dammit who is this arsehole. He went over to the car. Why are you following me what’s your game? Just don’t be stupid bud you know we have a vested interest in you. The only thing keeping you out of my car-boot is a certain someone I think you know who I mean so just be sensible and don’t do anything stupid like go to the cops. They won’t believe you anyway. You want to know why. Do you want to know why? Because we are the fucking cops bud. We know everything you do on the phone. We know when you take a shit on the toilet. So just shut the fuck up and get on with your life. You do that and everything will be sweet. You do anything dumb and you’ll be dead ok brown bread two in the head. Comprende? Whatever dude you are talking shit. Just think about it sensibly my friend. With what you saw do you think you would be alive now. Don’t be dumb my friend. You fucked up being nosy like you were. If it were just me you would be dead. Your girlfriend she’s one of us. It suits us to have it that way so just relax and don’t be an idiot. No-one will believe you if you go to the police anyway. Nothing will happen. He jumped in his car and drove to her place. She was drunk and stoned. What the fuck. That was all bullshit about your boyfriend. This is way different. Tell me what’s going on. Listen just play along I like you ok. Why did you let me go out to his place if you knew all about this? You are really fucking up my life. I fell for your bullshit story. Who was that guy following you? Look you don’t want to know. I wasn’t to know you would do the hero thing and go out there. Now you know what’s going on just be a good boy and do as you are fucking told. But why did they kill that guy? Look they are not all cops ok. Enough said. You already know way more than you should. He sat down on the sofa. Here, has a wine. Do you want some coke? Have some if you want some. Just don’t fucking moan ok. I have enough to deal with without you losing your shit. Ok. I am going down to the club. The president’s throwing some drinks tonight and I have to be there. Ok whatever the fuck you do, whatever you need to do, I don’t even fuckin know who you are anymore. I don’t know and you know after all this shit I just don’t care. I did care but now I just ah fuck you. And fuck you to you fucking slime-ball. You come anywhere near me again and you will fucking get it. Don’t think I can’t get you fucked over. I can get anything I fuckin want. They will never find you. They will blood and bone you and in six months. It’s like you never existed. So, fuck off and feel sorry for yourself. You dumb thick cunt. Keep away or I will make sure you stay away permanently. Ok dick. Don’t think I don’t know what you want. You are just a cunt-struck piece of shit. Don’t think you are going to fuck me. I have been fucked by way better than you. I can see right through you. Out on the road he looked quickly up and down the street before jumping into his car. As he turned the ignition it blew up in flames for ten minutes. He managed to get the door open before he was consumed by the flames. His charred body smouldered for an hour. Fuck me we just do not need this type of shit we have the local cops streaming everywhere who the fuck did this they know he was hear they know he was talking to you. We are in big trouble. Not getting anywhere. Look Brian don’t be such a fucking pussy. Of course, there are going to be casualties here. How the fuck did we get this far without anyone of us getting fucked over. I don’t feel good about it at all. The silly cunt did not have to rush out there and show his silly face. From that time, he was fucked. There was nothing I could do about it. He was fucked. I think you have been using too much coke. You don’t even realize how serious this is. We now have an investigation looking over our shoulder. I cannot guarantee to shut this one down. Well whatever. I have my job to do. As far as they are concerned he was just a stupid cunt who got involved in shit that he didn’t need to. They think he was just running around after me. He’s gone. I can’t bring him back. You have to sort that shit out. I have an operation to do. So just stop your fucking moaning. If you don’t like it just shut it down. I can just go back to Oz and have a fucking rest. Do you think I want to be hanging out here with these cunts slobbering all over me like a piece of fucking meat? You are worse than they are. Just man up and let’s get on with. We just have to drive it straight. We cannot lose where we got to. Those guys are not going to confess on a stupid cell-phone. They are not that stupid. It’s going to take time to get a cough out of them. Even then it might not come. We haven’t even got to the next stage yet. I am still on my own. It’s my skinny arse that’s on. there were a lot of cars at the cemetery for the funeral. They bought him in on the back of an old ford pick- up and buried him with a bottle of Jim Beam and a pound of weed some of his friends wanted to smoke it there and there they were all pretty frightened wondering how the fuck and who killed him he had served an accidental purpose those fuckers. That night I went down the club and stayed for a couple of hours. There was a strange group sitting in front of us. I had never seen such a strange combination. The girl was very young. There was a huge Maori boy who seemed completely wasted. The other two boys were about the same age. One was swinging bling and shaved head. The other looked stranger. This guy was all over me with his hands. I was alive, imprudent and pretty drunk. I thought maybe we should leave and go back to my place. You know we could do what we wanted. I didn’t really like him. I thought for a moment. I shouted in his ear to follow me. I went first and there was no one there so he came in and we went into a cubicle. All that the bass made me horny. He had to be pretty excited so it took a short time for him and he was saying he was about to blow. My God it must have been a while I thought.

We jumped out of there a little red. But it was sweaty in the club so we didn’t look out of place. The group was still sitting in the couch. They got up to leave. As the girl walked in front of me, her hand touched my arm. I thought why not. I was a bit tired of Chris. Perhaps a girl might be more fun and she would seem she might be in it. Craig was dancing with some Samoan chick so I walked out. She gave me an address at Sandringham. It looked pretty good. She said do not worry these guys behave well. There will be a lot of people there. I drove to the house. Things were fine when I came. The bling guy was there. She cut me some lines. It was nice shit. Very pure. I was wasted in a very short time. These people all seemed so ordinary. I was chatting with the other guy who was very timid and well-educated. He appeared as Jerry. The Maori boy was not there. It was too hammered we left it to her place moms. He’s a good boy. she always looks after her mom. She’s alone. The girl was there drifting in and out of the room. A girl in a low-cut top came up the stairs. He seemed to know Jerry and sat down in his lap. The girl grabbed my hand and we started kissing in the room. she took me to the bedroom. Id has never had so much shot. I woke up in my bed in the morning. I had no idea how I came home. I just have to wing it. It was a good blowout and I felt a bit better after all the shit that had gone down with that dumb arse who fell in love with me stupid cunt and you know the best part I rolled a joint and got fuck faced. I tried to forget about everything that had happened. Nobody just nobody knew who the fuck I was. My handler was on the plane back to Oz. That left no one here who thought I was other than some bitch who liked to fuck and snort shit up my nose. The message came through signal. I deleted it as soon as I read it never to be seen again. It suggested I take a wee break. While the dust settled on that unfortunate matter. I was free to disappear for a while no questions asked. I chose to go to Bali for a while. I cruised on up to Thailand. I spent a while there. There were plenty of people on holiday from overseas. I hooked up with a few on tinder. I came home with quite a few dic pics. before flying back to Auckland. Nothing much had changed. I fell back into my old scene. Nobody even really copped that I had been away. They probably thought I had got busted. Been to rehab or some shit like that. It didn’t make me long to make contact with the crew I was interested in. They were such a slim ball bunch. There was no way around having to get in the middle. They were the only ones who could tell us where the boys were. We had been all over where we thought they were and found absolutely nothing. Because I had been in their scene for so long no one suspected me at all. I had been forced into it through my own silly fault. Now I was there there was no going back. I just a had to keep going. It was a complicated situation especially with the death of the idiot. The ex well that was all to be expected. Somebody was going to pay the price. Much rather it him than me. It was really not much to do with me. They had snatched him. Anyway, the order had gone out. It was a done deal. The fact that one of us had to pretend to be part of it was just the price he had to pay it was either that or blow the whole operation. Things had gone on for too long we were going to find out where those two boys were even if they had gone rogue and tried to fuck the department over we still had an obligation to find them and bring them back home. We knew there was a record of what was went down and I knew I had to get alongside the person involved. And the way I was going to do that was to get myself involved in a shit load of trouble and I knew it would not be long now because the people I was running with were in a shit load of trouble I didn’t want to latch on to what had gone down in the bush because it was just too fuckin hard and messy. It had to be more attractive we knew our target didn’t mess with mundane bullshit it had to be sexy it had to be different it had to be a case that would stroke his ego. There was no doubt he was a grade a slime ball that was true. We knew from his phone records that he had been contacted and had given advice we assume. Unfortunately, we only had that from an informant the records were long gone lost way back out of the system. Your honour I know this is unusual but we have gone through the department. Yes, I know you have and I am fuckin unhappy about it quite frankly. I didn’t become a judge to have some tool in Wellington telling me what to do. What you are doing is highly illegal. If it gets out it could bring down the whole court system. Your honour we know the risks. Frankly it has to be done. There is that other little matter that you obviously would be quite sensitive about. We suggest that we just ride this one on through the system. Then we can go away and leave you. Clearly, I have no choice about the matter. I would not want innocent people to get hurt. Especially my wife and children so we should just get on with it. Well its part of a major operation of class A importation. We want you to throw the book at this woman. Really hammer her. The bigger the sentence the greater her credibility for the task at hand. And of course, it would be incredibly helpful if in court you could refer to the co-offender as having assisted the police. Even though he hasn’t as we want him in as much shit as possible with those involved in the syndicate. Why would you do that? For what earthly reason. Well firstly we do not have to justify ourselves to you. But secondly even if we had to us don’t need a reason. But thirdly if we did need to justify ourselves to you and we did need a reason well we just don’t like the guy. And that’s reason enough for us okay we just don’t like him. He snivels he bleats and he needs to be fucked over regardless ok. This is the perfect opportunity to do it. Look I will do my best but I will be taking the matter up with the Chief Justice. Well fine if you want to but everyone is on board here so it may not achieve anything. Just a heads up that’s all. We do not want you wasting your precious time. Anna Portman, you are sentenced to 25 years imprisonment with no parole. Don’t come back before me for parole as I suspect by then I may be dead. If it wasn’t for the assistance of your co-offender this importation would never have been uncovered. His actions have seen the guilty sentenced to everything they deserve for these pernicious crimes against the vulnerable. There was an audible murmur from the drug fucked crowd sitting in the back of the court. Someone yelled out, you give up cunt. They were both hustled out the side door to the cells. What did that crazy judge say that for. I might as well top myself. I’m completely fucked by a pack of lies. Hey brother we aren’t in a position to throw stones. She had to wait there in the tearoom downstairs. Everyone else was locked up ten to a cell. She sat and watched the security staff watch lesbian sex on the monitors. She thought it was on the net until she realized it was a room on the top floor of the courthouse. She laughed. Life was fucking weird but that was the weirdest. She waited for a couple of hours. It wasn’t until a few days later that she recognized one of the women in the film. It was the Minister of Justice. Obviously up for the day from Wellington with her girlfriend. for a couple of hours. A prison escort van rolled up and dropped her back home. It was driven by some filthy lackey cops who leered all over her. They even suggested a party down town. Go fuck yourselves twerps. Go back home to your Mumma. As she walked up the steps to her house a journalist she recognized from the court house called to her from the bottom of the stairs. Hey weren’t you sentenced in court on operation eagle this morning. What are you doing here? Well let’s just say I have friends in high places. No seriously my lawyer filed an appeal and we applied for bail pending the next hearing. They are coming around later to put a bracelet on me. So, there’s nothing to see here buddy. That night we got some good intel in from another cop. He had left and gone to work for the public defender. Well he was told to do that. He kind of left but he didn’t if you know what I mean. Anyway, x had got himself in the shit with a woman and ended up on some charges. Our friend obviously could not act for him. But a colleague did. The issue was raised by the colleague but there was no response. My handler was very jumpy about what happened, look we can’t have you here if he has seen you we will just say your bail was revoked and you have to go back inside and we will put out a press release saying it and he can read it and it should look pretty good. Do I really have to do that? Why don’t I just take him out and get him shitfaced. Get something on him or make him think he has something that others don’t besides. I can’t face being in prison it’s too dam dangerous those bitches will stab me. Ok let’s see what you can do. We do know that sleaze ball lawyer you know the narcissist. Perhaps you can stroke him in. go and see him and get him on board for the appeal. He is so thick and he can feed shit to our journo friend after all we don’t need the situation forever just long enough to find out what happened to the boys and where they are. Hi Mazza can you act for me on my appeal a god friend suggested I give you a call. I really want to knock something off the sentence and we may have a good chance on appeal. I have 200k in cash for you. Do you want to go out tonight we can discuss the finer points of conspiracy law? They met downtown there were a few superior judges with their girlfriends and boyfriends there. A month later they were in the Court of appeal. Muzza had spent all my money on the blow I lined up for him. He had spent the last two days locked in a hotel room high as a kite. I knew whatever he did my conviction was going to go. But the poor deluded fool was still deluding himself about what a genius lawyer he was. He didn’t know the boss had been out the back of the court organizing the result. It was fun walking out of the court there was a muzzle order over the whole thing. The journos could not even report there had been a case. We knew how to spread the news privately to those who needed to hear it. Mazza was funny the whole thing went super seriously to his head. Talk about dopey. We were so grateful he did not have a brain and didn’t tumble to what had happened. Later the journo saw me at the airport. Shit that was a good result. Hey careful bud you don’t want to get busted for contempt of court and end up in the slammer with some of my good friends. Best just keep it on the downlow. I will tell you all about it one day. Suffice to say I knew a thing or two about my compatriots. I went out by myself when I flew home. I was pretty tried having to play the game all night and day really took it out of me. I picked up a boy not long out of school and rode him hard all nith in a nice hotel downtown. In the end he complained he was tired. I told him to harden up and downed another bottle of Moet. I managed to avoid getting to rowdy and got back to my apartment in the morning after dropping junior at his girlfriend’s flat. See ya later buddy. Hope you had a good time. He had a slightly frightened look in his eye as he wandered off up the steps. It all seemed along way removed from when that quiet one was trailing after me. I was upset that he had died. We still seemed to be flailing around miles away from the dude we needed to get alongside. He was immutable. He had a reputation for not talking or socializing with cops at all. His wife was fuckng drop dead gorgeous so there was no in there. We thought we had something on him with an assistant but when we saw her waving her tits at him in a bar uptown he still didn’t do anything. How he managed not to I could not work out. He must have a will of steel. That was why clients came to him. They knew he could keep a secret. People knew not to bother trying to get him to do snitch deals. It just wasn’t in his nature to grovel to some dumb gangster who wanted a promotion. We knew there were certain things he liked. He had snorted a bit of blow with a friend one summer. We knew there was a long friendship involved. One that went back a good twenty years so we knew he knew something about what we wanted. We did not really care that they had gone rogue. That was all history. We just wanted to know where they were and to lock up the cunts that put them there. Time was running out. We were getting desperate. This was really our final shot at it. I was frustrated by the whole thing and it did nto help that I had a raging habit and drank like a fish. Either we got something soon or I was gonna go out on the mainline or dy drunk in the tide. I couldn’t sleep so I drove over tot the shore and swam out in the aharbour. I could see the lights on at the hotel and hear a cover band playing that song with the black parade in it. I think someone saw me up the beach but I didn’t really care. I was invincible. The next day I rang in and got ordered to go down south. We thought we had a fix on a farm that had been a big growing operation twenty years ago. Going hard on that dropkick had worked as no sooner than he was in the prison gate than he was on to his lawyer. Ha-ha in a roundabout way the Judge turned out to be right. He was a give up. He didn’t really tell us anything we did not really already know but it was good to have a second opinion from a crim. The case was still only luke warm. An undercover picked me up from home. We were down the island in four hours. Driving up a dusty road an hour from the lake I could sense that there was something in the area. We had been here before. We got stopped by a cop just underneath the mountain and taken to a small country station. Once inside the whole place was stripped out and overflowing with a meth lab. There was a ton of product sitting in a container in the carpark. I watched as a truck arrived to move it out to Auckland. It was for a big PR job in Oz that the boss was doing. You know the biggest bust this year bullshit. Someone was moaning about a lack of busts so we thought it would be a good idea to spark one up. At least we could be left alone for a while we basked in the glory of our efficiency. Later we went out to this farm. Here was a whole underground growing complex that stretched for miles. It was all abandoned now. A relic of the glory days when weed was illegal. We bought some body dogs in but knew it was a long shot. It was all a little forlorn. I couldn’t wait to get out of there. A psychic fed us some bullshit about where they might be but it was so generic it could have been anywhere on 2000 acres. I felt depressed afterwards. I partied all night just to get rid of the feeling of hopelessness. Cold cases were soul destroying. This was more than cold.  It was frozen like Antarctica. I found it difficult to continue on my own. It was too hard. Back in the city I missed my friend. The difference between who I was and who I seemed was working on me. I had a long shower. My name was Shannon Hanlon. I had to cling to that. I had almost forgotten my real name. It was safer that way. Three years ago, my life was different. I lived in another country. I was devoted to my job. God, I believed in it. When I was asked to work on the case I was proud to be chosen. I knew I had to find the answer. It had been a long long day. Now as it turned to night time we were still holed up where we were. The hunted had become the hunter. I knew now that it was us or them. We weren’t dealing with normal pigs. These ones had gone feral. They were taking over our whole operation. They were a long way from home. They felt they could have their cake and eat it to. They could bust me and the boys for a long time and step into our shoes. Our drugs our money. They had no morals at all. And now it was just a question of who was going to kill who. But it sure as hell wasn’t going to be me. Could we kill them in self-defence? My mind was ticking over at ninety miles an hour. We knew they would be coming at us soon. Sure enough I heard a rustle out the back door. Then they burst in the house. They took out one of the boys with a head shot before we fucked them. They both went down hard. One was dead. I put the other out of his misery. We dragged the bodies out the back and buried them with a lot of lime. Six months and they would be gone. I didn’t want to chop them up but we did. By morning we were gone back up north. We still couldn’t believe that these guys who were trying to arrest us were next thing flagging it and stepping into our shoes and taking over our organization. Was that their position from the very start? Who knows. They were over now and we celebrated their demise for the next three days. Others would know not to fuck with us when they failed to return. No-one was going to find them now. And sure, as hell no one on our side was going to give them up. My mother was very young when she had me. Dad was older in his late twenties. It was hard for a young wife to be married to someone who came and went. Never quite sure when he would be back. It was that way when he said he would be away for three months. She knew it was serious when she couldn’t contact him and they wouldn’t say whether he was in the country or not. She took that to mean that he was somewhere else. She assumed with one of his mates. Things had been very up and down. They had already lost people locally. She never thought for one moment that he would never be back. It was unusual to get this particular gig being related and everything. Perhaps they thought it would give me greater motivation. Certainly, the pain of coming home from school, wondering where he went, spurred her on and made her think harder. She had struggled all through school and into adolescence. It was the job that got her going. She knew that he went missing but she did not let on when she applied about her burning desire to find out where he went. She had only seen him a few times when she was little or at least she could only remember a few times. She had a visual picture of him and could remember his voice and smell. She had driven herself to the top of her class. She didn’t care if the rest of them thought she was a mean bitch. They had no idea. Back in town and it was what it was. Long days and nights of partying. Ingratiating myself to people who I really hated. They were evil. I just could not bring myself to thinking that they had held his destiny in their hands. Trussed up like animal in a slaughterhouse. I wondered how much longer I would have to wait before one of them let something slip. And if they did would I be in the right state of mind to pick it up. I resolved to tidy myself up. I could still be slutty without being a complete mess. Slutty was what they liked. It was what they understood. Too drug fucked and they were in contempt. They only sold that shit. They didn’t admire anyone who used it. But the whole drug thing was a waste of time and really intensely boring. Who the fuck cared about the people involved. They dint care about anyone. So why should I. anyway I decided I had spent enough time mulling things over. It was action time. I resolved to apply pressure where it would hurt. They had no idea and didn’t see it happening. I was out at night when I spotted one of them in the night club I was at. I went up to him at the bar and squeezed his ass. He was a contemptible fool with a dripping ego. He immediately thought I was good for a fuck. I egged him on. His girlfriend looked daggers at me but there was nothing he could do. That fucker was hooked on my cleavage. I had a flashback of my father when I was very young. It was on a trip. The three of us girls were sitting up on the roof rack of the car. Dad was standing by the rear door of the car we had. He was tall with a strong physic. No wonder my mum liked him. Next thing I knew I was breaking a glass on the guys nose. Blood pissed out everywhere. I was so pissed I didn’t really realize what I had done. It seemed to make quite an impression though. Nobody gave me a hard time and I immediately realized that everyone hated that mofo. He was a mean guy. No one cared about him as he sat in the booth bleeding. It wasn’t a big deal though. In a while he stopped bleeding and left with his ugly girlfriend. One of the others came over and offered me a ride home. Sure, mate if you going that way. But watch yourself my brother or you will end up with a sore face like your boyfriend. Oh, fuck him. He is on his own. We don’t trust him. Word is he is a nark. It was a sorry episode. It didn’t really get me anywhere but I did feel better. It was good dealing to that cunt. Everyone probably thought who the fuck is this rowdy bitch. It wasn’t exactly out of the playbook for undercover. But I had come to realize there was no right and wrong way. My way was closer to method acting. I had definitely got in to deep with that boy fool. There was no doubt about that. But it had worked out. Obviously not too well for him the poor bastard. But confusion reigned about me and that was my best form of defence. If anyone grabbed me and gave me the old either or I needed a stock of shit to make them look like total wankers. I needed them cuntstruck drug fucked paranoid and everything there fucking was so that I could make my way through their murky world. He would have been fifty-seven next birthdays. It wasn’t long before they came sniffing around me again. I knew he wasn’t involved but he knew everything about everything and if anyone had the slightest clue he knew. He wasn’t acting in a strictly professional capacity but he was the sort of person who followed through with people. He knew never to expect anything beyond the gig he was working on. Being lied to used and shat on was just part of the territory. But the thing changed when people really needed him. And that particular night I was guessing things had not been going well for quite a while. It was another level all together to have to fuck officialdom. But that was the choice. Obviously, the choice was made and our boys never made the trip back home. But that was all that was known. They were off the radar while they were in NZ and nobody really knew what they were up to. Everyone just assumed they were on the job. Who the fuck are you you mad bitch. The voice on the line was impatient. You seem to hang around all the right people. I hear you have access to the best gear in town. We should meet some time. Come around I can make you a good southern European dish and we can talk business. That’s fucking boring and I don’t do business with strangers you will have to get to know me a lot better than that before you can lick my stash motherfucker. Don’t be stupid you know exactly what I mean. Its here for the taking we both know it. But if you want to be stupid about it. I boohoo I know what you are all about. Power and pussy. You won’t get anywhere with me with your normal approach. I have too much going on to waste my time on a cop whore like you. Look lets just meet up and put the trash talk to one side and see if we make any progress. Sure, but if you try anything I can guarantee you a good and painful wasting. And believe me we don’t fuck around with give ups so make a sure decision before you decide to be involved. So, in the end I couldn’t shake this prick off which kind of suited me. We met out west on a beach at evening time. There were a few tourists wandering around. We sat in his car on the parade. I asked him who the established players where you know the ones that have lasted the distance. Well one or two springs to mind. Both are a little younger than me but they started young. I think one of them had a hick up with some out of towners back in the day. I don’t think it ended well for them. So, you know he is not a guy to fuck with. Last time I heard of him he had a place out west with a swing in the lounge and a stream od downtown dreangirls. Perhaps we could look him up and see whether we can do any business together. Maybe but I would want to check him out before I told him any of my secrets. Of course, I was interested to know about this other guy but I didn’t let on. I did not want to look too enthusiastic. A little off-road interception would do the trick. I was too tired to go through the proper channels.  I teed it up with some outriders we used and it wasn’t long before I was listening in to everything going on in his car and his house. There sure was a lot of blow. I spent the week on my bed at a downtown backpacker watching all the coming and goings. It was very boring at times especially the parties. There was one interesting conversation late at night after everyone else had gone. Surprise it was my old mate from the beach giving him the rundown on me and my line of business. I was gratified to hear that they both had no suspicions and were keen to work with me. The fact I had an ozzie accent was mentioned and the swinger fell back into reminiscing about old times and old times. And then it finally came. He mentioned that night back in the day when he and the boys had to deal with a major problem. How cops threatened to bust them unless they handed over their operation. He didn’t tell the rest but I knew what he was referring to. Then he said a really strange thing. He said he hadn’t seen one of them for a while and that he thought he might be living in the South Island.  What the fuck alive? That really threw my head in to a real ache. I knew I had to party to cope with that. I sure as hell wasn’t going to tell anyone about what I heard either. The idea that one of them could still be alive was never even thought about. There was no plan for that sort of shit. But how the fuck would I find him. I decided to get shitfaced first and then have a think about it. I had a lump of pure Colombian in my drawer. I cut some off and chopped it up fine. I snorted the whole lot and put the Pixies on. They were the only band that made me think especially when I was hard out toasted. I went down the hall to see an Ozzy boy who I had spied up over the the afternoon. I invited him back to my room. I booted him out and stumbled off downtown to see what I could find. It was really important to just forget what I had heard and think on things for a while. I didn’t want to blurt anything out to anyone. Soon I was so hammered I couldn’t think. It was great. It gave me the space I needed. Three days later I was back in my room. It occurred to me. It was such a bullshit world. Maybe the word out there was wrong and both of them hadn’t been wasted. Now that I had been good and drunk I knew I had to head for the South Island. I had no idea where to start. I did know one guy there though. A lifer and a good cunt. If anyone could steer me in the right direction he could. This guy used to make regular trips to oz and probably still did despite being on life parole. He used to kick around in south Sydney when I first started. He was always straight up with me. I got into town that night. My old friend lived in an old bank building south of the city. Pretty ironic given his history. Let’s just say he had frightened a few tellers in his time. He had no idea I was a cop. He just thought I was a stripper past her prime and looking to do the big dirty. We slipped a few beers in his lounge. I am looking for my dad he used to be a cop. I’ve been looking in the big smoke. Word I heard was that he might have gone on the downlow about twenty years ago. Either that or he is dead as. Buried on a farm somewhere. It really means a lot to me either way. Look darling I am an old guy now. I am pretty sure I can tell you the right direction to go in. its been a well-known secret here for ages. But many have come looking and left empty handed. People don’t want to get people into trouble you know. And I know he doesn’t know whether all is forgiven at home either. He committed some major crime here. I mean thankfully nobody died but it’s a fucking miracle nobody did. I can take you to see him. He is over on the west coast. We arrived there late at night. Out the back of an old pub in town there was a small lean-to with a a waft of smoke curling from the chimney it was still late autumn and you could hear the surf crashing on the bar near the harbour entrance. There were a lot of boarded up shops in town. My old friend knocked on the door hey bud I have brought someone to see you. A male emerged from the kitchen brandishing a small Saturday night special. Who the fuck is this mate. Its me dad your daughter. I’ve been sent to find you and get you back home. Where’s your mate from back in the day we want to find him and take him home too. Well I know where he is but he sure as hell won’t be walking back home and what about me what’s going to happen there I mean would I get immunity or what if you find him for us and give evidence against the cunts who shot him you can count on a trip back home with a house thrown in. Look let me gather my gear up and let’s go. I will ring up old Dennis and give him notice on this shithole when we hit Auckland. We drove fast back to Christchurch and caught the night ferry to Auckland we ere in there the following afternoon. It was too dangerous to take the plane, too many passports to show for i.d. we both settled down in a luxurious hotel down town. He was still getting used to the idea that I was his daughter and even more incredulous that I was a cop. The pressure was off now. I didn’t need to pretend who I was anymore but we still needed to stay alive. We had plenty of guys around us, a whole crew had flown in to look after us. The coppers in town had no idea they were even there. Dad had told me who to look for and it only took a phone call to get a warrant. The judge said he would look at the paperwork later and sign it if he had too. But he said for this one he would prefer not to be officially involved. The trip out to the mountains west of town took us up a winding road and a driveway to the the top of a hill from there the city sparkled before us. I knocked on he door. I am here with warrant to arrest Brent Davison is he here. Out the back I could hear someone we picked him up out of the garden as he tried to dive off the balcony you are under arrest for the murder and attempted officer of two men 25 years ago do you understand we might as well be dignified about this because I can tell you you are completely fucked we have one of the guys your left for dead. And he has identified you as the person who pulled the trigger along with 4 other fucktards ok so off we go don’t make a cunt of yourself. There was not a lot to say. Six months later we were all in court when they all pleaded guilty. No one even had to give evidence. Dad was back home. Before I left town, I took a trip out to the cemetery and sat by the boy fools grave for a while. There were joints and empty whisked bottles all over there grave. Sorry buddy that you got in the way on this one. You didn’t deserve it and you weren’t to know.