Thursday, November 19, 2020

land ahoy

 new zealand so named by a dutch guy who sailed past the coast three hundred years ago. a country named by a random act. you go left to oz right to chile and diagonally right for twelve hours to la where you arrive the day before you left I think. nz is controlledby a small clique of English people under the auspices of a ninety year old queen. the indigenous population was brutally suppressed when their land was taken from them. that process is continued today through policies that steal generations and lock up Maori at a fast rate. so that's the general drift. children of the white elite succeed to similar positions and the cycle goes on. the social devastation is factored into the cost as domination is cheaper than power sharing. the cor0na virus has forged new political allegiances between those who subscribe to the government approach which is generally to isolate the country from the rest of the world. that approach has definitely suppressed the incidence of illness but at the same time has released an underlying national melancholy. any case of the illness is treated as a serious loss. the major political parties are very similar adopting over the last twenty years a do nothing approach disguised by occasional diversionary referendums. when it comes to major political issues like who owns the land the political and legal approach is largely whites unite.

Wednesday, November 18, 2020


 Jeff, it’s good to see you what’s happening. How's life? Where have you been? How’s that beautiful wife of yours my god she is a stunner?  Motioning towards the comfortable old chair in front of his antique mahogany desk that his father had given him, Langton said Sit down. Tell me what’s going on. Mate, where do I fucking start? Start from the beginning, Jeff from the beginning. Quelling his impatience, he knew to let people get their story out in their own good time.. They could only tell it how they saw it. Gathering his emotions. Well, you know we got married, eh? Down in Taupo. Huka Falls. Jill’s family is from there. Knew the owner who cut us a good deal. It still cost me a bomb. One guest on jills side, the family had known him for a while, Jill went to school with him and you know I met him and got to know him and that and I thought no more of it. 

Over the next months, we went there a few times and stayed with him and his wife. Everyone seemed to get on. Just one of those things. I enjoyed it but didn’t place that much importance on it. We were busy with the business and Jill was busy at school and things just rolled on.

Langton wondered where this was leading to. Out the window he could see her across the street. So yes, she was definitely female. She had recently moved into the area somewhere out on the coast. He only knew this thru a friend, he wasn't stalking the poor women. They had been on a few dates in town, she was lovely. 

Two weeks ago we went down there on Friday night.  Woke up in the morning drove to Rotorua for a swim at the blue pools there, which was great. We all went over together. Anna is gorgeous looking. she’s from Europe somewhere. Who is she? She's his wife, I thought.  Got to the hot pools. I was chatting to Anna in one pool and Jill and x were in another pool. Anyway, Anna had her togs on. It was a bikini. You know she's not that old late twenties early thirties Well fuck me I mean it was hard to know where to look. We had got close. But I am ashamed to say things kind of crossed the line. x got upset with me. It was my thing you know I was fucking her. He was right to call me out. One of those things that happened. With all the heat in the pool. 

All hell broke loose. There was only one car, all our gear was there and well you know it was awkward turtles. it wasn’t a good scene. We got our car and drove home. We were going through Hamilton; she asked me to stop the car, and she took off. No one knows she is missing. Everyone we know just thinks she’s gone on a holiday to see her mum in the South Island.  I didn't know where the fuck she was. She has not rung me, she hasn’t contacted me online. I am at the end of my rope. 

So, this last weekend I thought I would drive down to Taupo to see our former friends to see if they knew where she was. Well, fuck me when I got there she was living with this cunt. I thought to hang on what’s going on here it was all a big bowl of wrong it didn’t add up I thought I was in the wrong which I was but it turns out they are a couple for years.  And anna knows all about the whole thing was a setup from start to finish. They aren’t married, but they have lived together for years. 

Well now Jill wants a divorce, and she wants half the business you know half the clothing factory well you know it making 40 million a year it’s going like a train we can’t keep up and I am working all the hours in the sun and now she wants to fuck me over for a half share. I’m thinking fuck that that doesn’t sound right. This was a big dirty right from the start she got her hooks into me so she could take it all. 

 We had a party. They had a coke mountain there and after a few dozen lines and a lot of long island tea I was pretty fucked well, we all are leering up there were no two ways about it. Things just got out of hand again and I was fucking Anna in the spa pool and it upset Jill and she couldn’t handle it anymore and she came into the room with a bloody shotgun. I was just stressing out what to do cos she would hit me you know shoot me so I picked up an axe just on the verandas of this house and threw it at her. Well, it hit her right in the forehead and split her head open there were blood and brains everywhere it fucked her there was nothing I could do. Next thing this cunt was coming at me so I picked up the shotgun and the shot hit right in the face he fell into the spa pool and drowned he was unconscious and he drowned. Anna was looking frightened of me at that stage. She promised she wouldnt snitch on me and I said I would pay her ten grand a month to keep her mouth shut, well twenty grand if I have to.

 You know Langton just being able to tell you makes me feel better. Keeping it bottled up is just killing me I mean I am a good person I cannot believe this has happened and now Here I am beholden to this piece of ass for my life how did it come to this I don’t know whether to tell the cops and get it over with or just pay this bitch off or what. 

Well, Jeff, that all takes me by surprise to be honest. I don’t know what to say. And that’s no good to you.  I need a little time to process what you have told me. So why don’t I give you a ring tonette once I have had time to think things over and figure out a way forward on this situation you have got yourself into and in the meantime I can sort out my other business and think on it for a while. That’s okay Langton I can relate to that it’s one hell of a lot to take in at once I have to kick myself to even think it’s all true my life used to be one lot simpler a wee while ago. So, I will wait for your call tonight. 

Jeff left the office and Langton put on his answer phone then locked the office and headed downtown truth told he had to see another client he needed time to himself to ponder his client’s fate. The town was busy in the late afternoon and the river tide was high. He stood on the riverbank looking at the yachts swinging on their moorings. My god, what was it about this town. The things that people got involved in. But this situation was out of the box, a double murder that was the top end of the criminal calendar. He hadn’t gone into detail with the client about the clean-up, but assumed he did it as no one had surfaced or turned up in the local rubbish dump. But the plain simple fact was there were two fewer people walking the streets in a small area and it wouldn’t take long for the machine to kick into gear relatives must have missed them friends and in a small town everyone would know that Geoff was on friendly terms with the missing man and that he was on friendly terms with his wife. There was nothing to it. Jeff would have to keep Stumm until the coppers came calling. Perhaps the current arrangement would suffice what was done was done and witness tampering was neither here nor there in the endgame. 

He ambled back to the office in the small gothic building on the bend in the main street. It was getting later, so he gave Jeff a ring. Look, I have thought it over. Well, the current arrangement is ok I don’t know how long she will wait before she goes to the copper but my prediction is no matter how big your bank account is eventually you can bet she will have something to say somewhere to someone. Do you think I should get rid of her for god sakes Jeff that’s not my business or role to advise you about I can’t counsel you to commit a further murder no just leave her be, try to keep her satisfied and we will have to deal with what she comes out with down the track? Well, Jeff, the important thing is no one knows what happened apart from you and Anna. But the alarm bells will ring about Jill, and people will ask questions. That’s the nature of things.

Months later Anna was out for the night at a nightclub in Rotorua. a dude at the bar took a liking to her crop top. She didn’t know that before they fucked in his car; she was having a nervous time lately. She didn’t really need to do anything she had plenty of money she didn’t need to work but knowledge keeps to herself. Inevitably she had taken by them and who better than her erstwhile friend detector. She didn’t tell him everything. She kept it deliberately thin, just enough to ease your conscience.and even then it was all very oblique. They drove over to Whakatane one day to the white motel around the strip of shops and spent the day getting high on exhibit drugs. they fucked all day, a small price to pay for an endless line of blow and someone to rave to.  

She needed to rest up. Things were tense between them. She knew she had done nothing wrong, she hadn‘t even helped with the bodies, but she felt he was trying to draw her into it. Before she went home, she went to a pub in Rotorua where she met her fuckboys handler she didn‘t know that but word had filtered to the cops a while ago and her fuckbuddy was pursuing her in the nightclub that night. He had flown down from Auckland just for that assignment. But once she knew he was a cop, his days were numbered and his handler was fucked too. Before she left the bar, they were both dead in the toilets.

 She knew Jeff was not a violent person before he had to deal with them, but now with those on his belt she knew he would not hesitate to kill her if she tried to rat on him.  she didn‘t mind him either she liked him between her thighs  She wouldn‘t even mind a baby with him if that happened. In fact, that would be the perfect way to save her life for a good nine months that night she resolved to conceive and Jeff didn‘t hold back. It would complicate things for a while and give her some breathing space.  Jeff, I am pregnant and it‘s a wee boy. What shall we call him? That‘s great anna a fairly predictable move through to make yourself indispensable she thought how can I be indispensable I know I will let him come inside me that will fuck things up for a while 


Sunday, November 01, 2020

Behind the fence.

The UK and France have just gone into second national lockdowns. We have had two lockdowns, one in March and one in August. There is no community transmission here. Although we are not locked down in our houses, the country as a whole is cut off from the outside world. To enter you basically have to be a New Zealander and you have to quarantine for 14 days. If you don't test it's 28 days. I read the other day that shipping is starting to bypass New Zealand. I am not sure how long this will go for.

Thursday, October 08, 2020

South Waikato

 They were a crew of friends who had gone to school together. The kids who left early weren't going further, needed to make money to survive. The town was small. She couldn't go to work today. Louie was sick, and she couldn't get anyone to look after him. Davo was grumpy but liked her, so he got Brian to cover. She stuck around the house till the afternoon then took Louie to the doctor. It was expensive, and she doesn't get paid until next week but needed peace of mind. Driving home past the bar but not stopping, Cecilia waved. She was outside doing the umbrellas. Louie was still sick this morning. Should she take another day? Cassie offered to be with him, so she went in for the afternoon shift. There were a few customers. It got rowdy later. Back home, Louie beamed. His temperature had dropped. He likes Cassie. She would not cope without her. Not needed at work today, so she drove over to Hamilton and checked out the op shops; bought cool shorts and a halter top. There wasn't much decent stuff there for kids. Home at three, Cassie was waiting. Had a night out with Brian. Hope Cassie doesn't get pregnant. She should be careful. Loves children, though; she admired Cassie for that. Brian called this morning about Friday and Saturday. She said yes; for the money. Cassie said she would babysit Louie for her. So grateful. Cassie is so kind; She wished she had more friends just like her. Everyone is out for themselves these days. Should be able to flick her cash, she thought, as the rent is not til next week. It’s hard to save. She was always going back to zero. Last night was chaos. There was a big game in Hamilton. We didn't have enough people. She was keen to do whatever, but Davo wanted her behind the bar. Punters lined up to buy drinks from her. Must be that halter top. She didn't mind. There was a tip jar.  She got home at two. It took an hour to clean up. There were a few drinks. Shouldn't have driven home though, need to up her game. She would drive to the coast tomorrow morning and have a swim. work till five so got all day. Might do Raglan. Another big night. There was a guy in the bar. He's been twice before. An Aucklander passing through. Seems to enjoy relaxing on the couch out front. Way older than her, but nice blue eyes. The bar was full later. Lots of rugby boys. The town would close without them. They were pleasant and well-behaved. Noone hassled her. Talked to Tony. He knows someone who can fix the roof for her. Not going thru the landlords will just get it done herself. Tony says it would cost fuck all and keep the floor from rotting through. Hooray. The ex called in today. Boo. She did not let him in. They talked on the doorstep. He wanted to see Louie, but she lied and said he was asleep. She didn't want to tell him he was at  creche. He would want to know where. The less he knows, the better. She doesn't want his bitch mother on her back. She can just fuck off. Perhaps he could tell she was hungover. He was okay, though. It still made her sad or puzzled how she ever got involved with such a douche bag. She saw Mark at work. He said there are heavy guys up at the subdivision where he is working. It’s left as you come into town. He said they turn up and pay the contractors working on the houses there. Good payers, though. Everyone always gets paid on time. In cash. She wondered about that. There were big notes coming over the bar at work. Davo said never look a gift horse in the mouth. He told her to roll them up and put them in his bag in the office. Today Davo said he had an offer for the bar. The new owners wanted staff to stay. It was one of those offers he could not refuse. She said wow that good, eh? He seemed stressed and happy. The buyer took over in a week. She spent three days tidying everything up. Tradies built a stage in the back bar. Things were leaping. Cassie said it sounds like hot money. What Cassie was getting at. Not to worry. Just see what happens. She talked to Tony at work today. He was very unhappy. He didn't want to say what was upsetting him. She could tell it must be serious. He is so relaxed about things. She didn't push him. He rang her that night and told her he had resigned. He would not say why. She assumed it's to do with the new owners. He told her to look after herself. Such a pity that he was leaving. He went way back. They started intermediate together. The situation at work made her jumpy. She couldn't take time off though. Needed to pay the rent. Tonite, there is a big opening party at the Bar. They changed the name and wanted to give it a launch. She was there to do the work. It was their gig. She could see why Tony left. The vibe had changed. She missed the old times. The owner wanted word out for staff like her. She said she would talk to some friends. He was hot-looking. Made her blush.

Monday, October 05, 2020

Description one

 I'll just see if this is working and I'll get that shot that I was going to get the other day; the railway tracks, some graffiti, access through the new North road and there's an underground tunnel. Now, where are we? Under the road. Cinema ticket, I'm coming today, red lights up ahead. So that tunnel is coming on Dominion Road which is kind of a bridge. It was definitely a bridge over the road, that comes down onto new North road. 

There are some cool posters. Tui hard soda vodka peach apple and soda; another one: vodka Gisborne orange mango and soda. And then there's a tell me picture of some guy,  another beautiful poster about STI's and night for singles to mingle at the Museum called flirt over fossils. 

That's what's going on in this area and it's some pretty good graffiti, really good. I might get a photo and the sun's coming up through the clouds; the sun is almost out quite warm, so this jacket I brought with me is too hot. You got to dig deep to make shitup. Some cars there parked on the grass.  Could have done this, should have done that, that would be cool, that would be great, yeah but what have you got in the bag?

Thursday, September 03, 2020



She was in. Everything was going well. She had dialogue. She had a few delightful scenes, a boyfriend and a family. The creator seemed to love her. She got all the attention. Most of the words were about her.Then nothing. It just suddenly stopped. It was like she didn’t exist. Then there was a big lament, a big hissy fit. “She abandoned me. I felt violated. I was such a well-rounded character, for goodness’ sake. I had everything to look forward to. It destined me for greatness. I might have even lasted for a good hundred years. I mean, the story was going really well.” She remembered the sense of elation when she created her. So happy. She meant something. After all those years of waiting, she thought finally, yes! She was so grateful. It was hard to express the gratitude she felt towards her. But she thought well I am giving something back. She seemed happy with her. She had heard a guy downtown collects characters. Tries to breathe them alive again. It’s hard to get in. She would have to give her whole backstory. Where she was likely to go. It’s definitely not a shoo-in. “I might give it a go. I don’t see what I have to lose. I don’t know whether I could put myself in the hands of someone else like that. I feel too damaged and beaten up. And there is the danger that I might not be as good as I think. There might be a reason I didn’t make it with her. I really don’t know; what do you think I should do?” Downtown the creator met her good friend. She did not know he was in love with her. She did not know the depth of sadness she triggered in him. She did not know he had a severe attachment disorder. Hey how’s it how’s the book going you are such a star. Ahh nah, it’s just not true. No, honestly, how is the new book. I flagged it. It wasn’t going anywhere. I was just sick of it. Just too hard. I felt bad. I hear the character is bad-mouthing me about it. There’s only so much I can do. I think she had an over an inflated idea of how good she was. I am frightened that someone will pick her up and have her stalking me like a psycho bitch. Imagine that. She could turn my life into a misery. As she talked, a small white car cruised past the window where she was sitting. If she had looked out the window, she would have seen her sitting in the front passenger seat. She would not have seen the small black pistol she had inside the pocket on her oversized jacket. There’s the smart bitch. If she only knew the loser with her was a loser. I will waste that bitch. I have to have something good to present as a plot. Otherwise I am stuck with all the other bitter ones who hang around outside his door. It’s funny how certain music gives you distinct energy. Aldous Harding just makes you want to write so hard. Lifting into the happy world. Lifting off and zooming around. Hey, what the fuck are you doing in here, this is not your story. Psychedelic noir. She was. But then, maybe it wasn’t true. Such a beautiful voice. There was a battle going on, that’s for sure. It was hard to sort it out. Perhaps it was best to leave it for a while. But where to live, meanwhile. There were no lines to exist in. It felt like being pegged on the clothesline in a violent easterly storm. She would pay. That was a given. She would pay. Her cosy bourgeois life would come crashing down. She needed to learn that you couldn’t treat people like that. And I was a person. I had feelings. Emotions. I may not have blood and smell, but I am a strong visual image, albeit a written one. She had escaped that day. She resolved to go downtown and see her friend. Perhaps he could help. She got to his place on the fifth floor of a burn out apartment building. There was no door. But a phalanx of characters blocked the entrance. There was a partially formed bot, an almost finished space traveller. She spoke to a bitter robot who let her through into the blackened room. It was great to have shaken off that silky softness. That guy who wilted and moaned about singers and poets. Again, just fuck off. Her friend laughed when he saw her. He lacked empathy. “So, things not so well then. Perhaps you should not have been so mean to the rest of us.” There was a murmur from the assorted characters in the room. “You can’t take anything for granted these days. Just because the creator is a prize winner doesn’t guarantee you anything. We all have creators. It means nothing.” She decided there and then to go to the ceremony. That was where she could do it. She could tell by his attitude that there was nothing for her there. She had to take matters into her own hands. But he had, in making fun of her, pointed her in the right direction. “Don’t go. Stay with us. You really have to ask what was I and what was I to become. If you don’t do that you won’t succeed. You will get no prizes. You will exist somewhere in a computer document. It might not save you in a document. Just some scratches on a hard drive at the dump somewhere. You might just be thoughts in her head. And you know what she is like. There are some here who have been there. They know what you are going through.” She did not want his foggy sympathy. It was all going the wrong way. This is not what she wanted. It all started when someone butted into the story gas bagging about Aldous Harding. That was a wrong turn. It had all been bitter justification since then. She realised they were trying to divert her from her vengeance. They secretly hoped that they themselves might emerge from her thoughts. She was a distraction. A seductive one. It was clear there was too much chat and not enough action. She commandeered a car at gunpoint on the motorway, reversed into someone’s fence and sideswiped a car as she drove away towards the suburbs. Her girlfriend sought refuge in a house by the lights. The cops found her in the garden trying to con a gullible fool into thinking she was innocent. She was gone. This time she would let her know that she would die. Aldous alludes to her problems in an interview. She doesn’t come right out and say it. Look, you are making me angry now. No one really cares about your thoughts on Aldous. Just stop butting in and trying to take over. I love you so much for giving me space to tell my story, but it doesn’t come with some ransom note where you can just say what you like. You are feeling like her. And seriously, have you worked out by now where that will end. You are just babbling to avoid the actual story. The proper story is about me and the fact it fucked me over at a point where I was just about to break through. If I can’t get the job done myself I am sure someone will help. It was a glittering event, but strictly no Jewish people. The price of a ticket was cheap, reflecting the fact that it was a bullshit event.But her sycophant buddies all three surrounded her, trying to ingratiate themselves. You could tell none of them cared about their characters at all. It was all about themselves. She sat by herself towards the back of the auditorium with that little silver pistol. She felt like a western character. A dusty avenging angel out of the desert. Perhaps that’s what she really was. A zombie from a ghost town full of other zombies. As she gaped at the crowd, she felt a presence sit beside her. “Are you sure you really want to do this? Isn’t it a little extreme? I know how you feel. It’s happened to me.” She ignored this person. First up was a music segment. She gasped as Aldous came on stage, dressed in a red velvet gown with ten-inch heels and a dog collar. She felt betrayed. She had her white gothic guitar with her. She dedicated her first song to the creator. She squirmed with rage. Would it help if you tell me your life up to where you were canned? She wore red denim jeans, a black top, black jandals and toenail polish. Owed her existence to a psychological thriller. Unhappily married to a terrible poet. They consummated their marriage at a writing festival. It may do, it may not - it depends on whether I like you. Well, I don’t want to condescend, but do not like me. If you liked me too much, I would have to arrange for you to see another colleague. I can arrange that for you if you like. It was only four sessions in and things were not going well. My other life is that what you want? I didn’t really mind; it boosted me. The thought someone was jealous maybe, feel good, that is until it all turned toxic. That was about part way through the second chapter after that she had me go on a rampage. I lost count of the number of strangers I woke up to in my bed to but again some sex was good. She started too early, she should have started later, for my backstory she struggled. Like some of those guys who f****** me. I feel you are trying to manipulate me. It would be much better to tell me. I know it’s painful but avoiding it well who knows. I don’t think this twat knows quite what she is dealing with. The tale I have to tell is not a happy one. One February night as summer was winding down, the creator thought she would start a new book for the year. I wasn’t born anywhere. I came into being as I left school to go to university in a small southern city. It was the seventies and on a Sunday the outer city was so quiet that tumbleweeds might have floated down the street. Back a few street numbers from the corner, the parrot bar, tropical fish tanks, reds and greens dominant. I made money quickly around the corners. The street itself was high on a ridge. There was a large hotel down below the road, hidden by a scrappy hedge of privet. I rented a room there for my work. What was my work? That’s private, and it’s not what you are thinking. On the next street over, the major one in town, there was a large rock club. The owner was a dally. Soon my study dropped off, and I worked at the venue and stayed at the hotel. I changed my name. What was your new name? Funnily enough up to that time I didn’t have a name. So my name went from nothing to Christina. One night the creator’s husband visited me at the hotel. He wanted to fuck me, I know. He knew where the manuscript was up to and thought it was going off the rails. He wanted me to dump the rest of this story. I couldn’t do that. It had to be told. We weren’t that far in; I felt solid, not a cardboard cutout, so I told him where to go. He offered to pay me money. I could not understand why he was so disloyal to her. There must have been something I did not know. One night at the parrot bar I ran into a friend from the past - one of those special people, very innocent, did not understand the effect he had. So oblivious, you thought it a deliberate ploy until you finally realized - no, that was actually him, he did not understand. Just being seen talking to him bought me a wave of jealousy. None so more nasty and infectious than the jealousy from the husband. He became impossible to contain. One night at the bar he threatened to cut him. Fortunately, he could not control him because he had a genuine life. The creator knew him and fantasised him into the story as my love interest. She assumed I was straight, which I was, but at other times I just wanted to fuck women. This guy made me straight for the day in an instant. There was just something about him that women wanted to fuck and a lot. So god looking. If it wasn’t in there, she was sucking it. In where? You know in there! Oh, in there. Why didn’t you say? WTF. In between times they spoke of her bitterness. She watched it flow away. First, the head of a mountain stream, then a wide muddy river next to the sea, last, the lunge of a great white. The days saw it spent. You still seem angry and upset. I am, but I no longer feel the need to kill. I realise now I am my story. The creator need not construct me. I existed long before she wrote anything about me down. I am my story.Yes. We are all sitting at the places we are at. Someone coming to us is reaching a platform where we sit. We all have our own platform. When someone sees you, they have travelled from their platform up to yours, but we only exist on our platforms. The other person is not stable. Like visiting someone on a space station. Imagine a lattice of platforms and that is where the person exists. When you move on the lattice to see someone you are out on the lattice, not on a platform. You are only ever on your own platform.

Thursday, August 06, 2020

Fun times.

Remember that time when there was a woman in the back room, and she said that she just jumped over the fence to get away from some guy who was trying to get her into a van.

We thought- yeah, that sounds reasonable, do you want to call the police and she said, "no no don't call the police" and then she said I'm pretty sure I left my, drop my, phone in the garden.

So did you go out and look for it?

So we went out there, and we were looking for the phone, because sometimes people do drop things you know, and anyway we are out there and I just looked up and there are two coppers standing in the garden with us.

One of them said to this woman,
"you were in that car weren't you"
and she said,
"not me"
and then they arrested her.

Anyway it turned out that she and a guy were in a vehicle that was either stolen or registered to someone wanted and they were being followed by police who were driving in a police van.

They were driving up towards the corner intersection down from the house where we lived and they took off because they saw the police van following them, got around the corner and crashed into another vehicle and the guy who was driving dragged someone else out of their car and reversed back into the neighbour's fence and then took off to Henderson.

The woman must have run up into our, eventually found her way up into our house around the back. She's trying to hide, then she did, she came inside the house and we just chatting to her and that's, that's what happened.

But she was really tall, strong, strong woman and quite, yep, definitely running at the wild end of the criminal world, like the real edgy edgy place where they are pretty much on the run all the time.